I Couldn't Remember To Be Strong

I fell asleep last night with the thought of you on my mind. And the thought of all my other friends. You know, the ones who actually care about me being the happiest I could be?
I woke up with bright blue and yellow colors surrounding me. Athen is shaking me awake. He says,
"I can't believe that you fell asleep! We're gonna be late now."
I say, "Why? Were we supposed to do something?"
Then we are outside, walking toward a motorhome.
"Where are we going?" But it's as if he can't hear anything I'm saying.
Ash appears, whispering to me,
"It's gonna be okay. This is what you truly want."
I want to ask her where we are going. I want to ask what it is that they want me to do. I can't find my mouth. My mouth is gone. Only eyes and ears seem to be.
Another van pulls up next to us, then I see Carley and Chance. They roll down the window and beg for me to come with them instead. 

I look to the back seat and see the outline of a head. Is that..? No. It couldn't be him. 
Athen is behind me and says, "We've got a long drive ahead of us. You promised you would come with us."
I'm so confused. I'm so tired. I just want to cry. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Sage walks out from inside the motorhome next to Athen. I'm so relieved. I look at her with urgency in my eyes, begging that she will understand why I feel so confused and weak. Then she plants one right on Athens' mouth. 

What the hell? 

Then my ears are gone too. But my mouth is back. My knees buckle and I fall to the ground. Just kidding, now I'm on a bed. My friends disappear all but Athen. I yell at him saying "You can't be with Sage! You can't love her! She deserves John!"

He looks at me confused. And says, 

"You hit your head again last night. I never kissed Sage. But I'll kiss you better."

Again, what the hell?

I smack him so hard that his face changes. I can't tell who he is now. Some stranger that might have been.

Now I'm in the back of purpsta. I'm so confused. I just want to pull my hair out to feel something real again. 

Carlos is driving. The only one who I would trust driving my stick. He looks at my through the mirror and says,

"I've missed you Mel. I wish you missed me more than you miss him."

I don't even pretend to question it. I know he's right. And that knowledge makes me sick.

I scream so loud. Begging this pain to stop. I scream so loud. Wanting to see him. To feel his hand on my cheek again. To feel him pull my body into his. Why am I so weak?

Now I'm on a roller coaster. The spider to be exact. Trevor is next to me. He looks at me and says,

"Goodbye Melly Jelly. I'll miss you." He then unhooked our cart from the tracks and we are falling to our deaths. I'm almost relieved. 

Now I'm in the parking lot with the motor home and the van. My friends are gone. Then I hear him.

"Mel. I've missed you." 

I spin around and there he is. Just like I remember him. A cream shirt and dirty jeans from a long day at work. I see that scar on this hand and that vein on his forehead. Every fiber in my body is aching to touch him. To feel him again.

"Come to me. I will hold you until every star falls from the sky. I will love you always and forever."

Now Athen is behind me.

"Don't do it Mel. Don't go with him. Your promised you would come with us, remember?"

I turn towards Athen and say, "You understand."

I turn back towards him. I start running to him. Every step closer my heart beats faster. Just when I'm about to touch him, Jenna's alarm goes off. I sit up and gasp. Tears running down my cheeks.

I couldn't remember how to be strong. 

Will I ever become strong enough?