Life is a Funny and Cruel Thing

Funny. Growing into a person that I thought I could only be with you.

Funny. Trying to inhale the last bits of this scent while I'm walking away from that field of daffodils. 

Funny how the absence of the smell aches me deep in my bones all while my fingers dig into my scalp wondering what it is about you that keeps me up rolling around swimming through my constant thoughts. 

Cruel. Stabbing my hands with your words. Binding me to the present. Sucking any breaths of the future. Staining my heart with wonders and curiosity.

The kind that while leaving a print, sinks it deeper. And the only way to rise it back up is to remove those beautifully dark promises. The kind that so gently yet so painfully and slowly break the promises. 

Cruel. 

Cruel thing when life offers me the cup. 

Candy Hearts.

Reminding you.
Wanting to remind you that I still love all of you.
Reminding you that I miss EVERYTHING about you.
Because I miss you. And your tan arms and your white shoulders.
I miss laying on your chest and you flex. Oh so slowly so I won't catch you trying to show off, but rather just feel how strong you are.
It makes me smile thinking about how freaking clever I was when I placed that candy heart in your hand. You know. The one that said  "I <3 you" ?
And you smiled and tried to find my eyes? But I looked away.
I meant what I said.
Silly how just a little candy heart could make me feel so giddy.

My Addiction To You Is What Reminds Me I'm Alive.

And Some Nights I Hemorrhage Weakness

Tonight is one of those night. That missing you became fatal.

Pictures, memories flushing through my mind.

Tonight is one of those nights. Where I cry. And then cry harder.

That picture where I am folded into the shape of your body. Like we are just pieces of a puzzle.

And then I cry harder. Looking into those eyes.

The ones that were so determined to protect even just my fragile hands.

I miss that. 

When did missing you become so painful?

Maybe because missing you is weakness.

And because weakness is painful.

Goodnight To My Tears.

Time. Has come at last. For you to be swiped from my life.

Time to clean out the parts of me that crave you. That need you. 

Clear my head from your manipulations. Learn how to live without your touch guiding my way.

Learn how to guide myself. Let The Lord guide me. Let him let me forget your smell. 

Say goodbye to this unhealthy addiction. 

Live through these painful withdrawals when I crave you once again.

Let myself cry when I miss you. 

But wipe the tears after I'm finished and move on to my next activity. 

Goodnight my love.

Maybe soon I'll be able to call you something else.

Or hopefully I won't call you anything at all. 

Always and Forever. Silly Thing.

I remember the day I called you and told you about those words. 

You were thrilled that we had found some words that could some how describe our indescribable bond.

A bond so strong that even when others would pull us apart, our love was stronger than ever.

But now. How can you say these new words?

How can you say that you won't always want me? 

How can you say now that forever is not a promise anymore?

You remember right? You remember saying that you would love me? Always and forever? 

Hmm. What a silly thing to believe. 

And you're breaking my heart. 

He Will Be Loved

Drinking to the love and leaves that you are clinging to.
Swallowing them whole because you don't know how to live without them.
Sleeping away in your nightmares because their more hopeful than the nightmares while you're awake.
Laying there, next to her, listening to the slow music wishing she were someone else.
Telling yourself it's okay because you are "making her happy."
When in reality, all you're doing is building her hopes up to send them crashing down to the ground.
Giving yourself false hope and an easy way out.
Well it's time my friend. WAKE UP.
Now instead of drowning in your sorrows, step outside of them.
Recognize what you do have. Because this is pathetic. 
And you've lost our sympathy.
Look at your family. Look at your friends who love you. Even look at that dog who sits by your side always.
Step outside of yourself for once.
But you won't. You won't listen to me. Because you are selfish. Because you are self-centered.
Because you will be loved. Even if you are lying to those sweet girls beside you, telling them that they are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And it only proves one thing.
That you are a liar.