My life. My choices.

"This ain't a song for the broken-heartedNo silent prayer for the faith-departedI ain't gonna be just a face in the crowdYou're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud
It's my life, it's now or neverI ain't gonna live foreverI just want to live while I'm alive
It's my lifeMy heart is like the open highwayLike Frankie said I did it my wayI just wanna live while I'm aliveIt's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you outDon't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

My heart is like the open highwayLike Frankie said I did it my wayI just wanna live while I'm aliveIt's my life" 

Bon Jovi.

I'm thinking about how I don't know what you're thinking.

In my head, my thought are running around like a dog chasing a cat.
I try to make sense of my thinking and I think i'm succeeding most of the time.
Or maybe me thinking that i'm succeeding is proof that i don't know what i'm thinking.
Or where my thoughts are going.
But what I do know is that I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about how you look at me. And smile at me for no reason.
I think about how you show me affection and I get butterflies in my stomach and tomatoes for cheeks. I'm also thinking about how when you're not with me you are gone completely. I think about how I feel like to you, I disappear. Or so it seems.
I think about how could this be? How could I be so important to you in person but when i'm not vulnerable to your eyes or hands, I'm faded completely.
I think about how I have no idea what you're thinking about. I think about how I probably never will.
And I think about how I hate it.

Numb Motions

Everyday is the same as the day before. Sleep. School. Sports. Work. Homework. Sleep.
Oh maybe I'll make myself a roast beef sandwich instead of a turkey. Hooray for change.
My day is stressful. And strict. And keeps me on task.
Always saying that I need to become better, stronger, skinnier, or more pretty.
I taught myself to ignore my low self esteem by keeping my mind elsewhere.
Going through my day with out even feeling it.

A love more like them.

I sit there. After a fight with you. Watching that couple looking into each others eyes and couldn't be happier. We argue all the time, but can't live without each other?
Our love is forbidden. That should sound romantic and dangerous shouldn't it?
The risk gives me a rush sometimes. But most of the time I feel guilty.
Why can't we have a love more like them? A relationship where all that matters is each other.
We break it off and I feel as if i'm in a dream. No, a nightmare. And I need you to come wake me up.
A dangerous flame that grows higher and brighter.
Our love is guilt. Why can't our love be like theirs?
Love. What does that word mean? I can't say. I can compare?
Love is pain. Love is risk. Love is romantic. Love is not now. Love is dangerous. Love is fire. Love is forbidden. Love is worth the wait. Goodnight.

Change.

When choices are placed before us, the right one is usually the hard one. And sometimes not only is it hard, it's extremely difficult. People could get hurt, including ourselves. But what are we going to do? You see that there has to be a change and if you don't make it happen, then it won't. Something needs to happen, make it. Don't wait and hope that change will happen on its own. Take charge and control the outcome.

Being Alive

Breathing.
We know we are alive when we don't have to struggle for our lungs to receive air.
We got the air. Now we got to do something about it.
We have this life. And we need to actually live it.
Being alive throws us experiences, and we need to learn from them.
Your alive.
Don't take advantage of it.