He doesn't realize.

I work like a hound dog on the run with some hunters, chasing that goose or I'm gonna get a butt-whoopin.

I work like a marine fighting for the man beside him. Fighting to get back to his wife and baby boy.
I work like it's my last chance. Oh wait. It is my last chance.
All I have done is improve. But he doesn't realize how hard I'm actually working.
I ask him, what can I do better? He tells me, straight forward. I improve. Now NOTICE!
He doens't realize that this is my last chance to play this game that I love.
I have a passion for this sport and I have a responsibility to this team.
Notice me. Please.

More like her.

She's beautiful in her simple little way
She don't have too much to say when she gets mad
She understands she don't let go of anything
Even when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should've been more like that

You had it all for a pretty little while
And some how you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
Then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should've been more like that

I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserved
I guess I should've been more like her

Forgiving you, she's stronger than I am
You don't look much like a man from where I'm at
It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth
You love her and she loves you with all she has
I guess I should've been more like that

I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserved
I guess I should've been more like her

She's beautiful in her simple, little way

 

-Miranda Lambert

Stop. Or I'll call you names.

Have this. Have that. Be here. Be there.
Mom and dad. Brothers and friends. Coaches and teachers. Bosses and teamates. Co-workers and classmates.
I think of them. I think about them, being a long list of things expected.
Catch better. Have perfect grades. Go to BYU. Be to work on time. Leave everything out on the field. Be a lady. Walk your dog. Lose weight. Get faster. Remember how to count down.
 I think about them and I think how can I do this while trying to make sure everyone else around me is not disappointed in me. I try to think about having difference expectations for myself and doing what I want. But how can I do that if I don't even know what I want! I want what everyone else wants of me because I don't think about the future because that is too scary.
I can't do this. I can't follow everyone else because that is the norm. I need to find out for myself.
Stop calling me names. I'm earning nicknames on my own thank you. Stop the expectations. Or I'll crack. Stop laughing at my mom or I'll laugh at yours.
Stop or I'll call you names.

Room to Breathe

Future.
I hate you.
I don't like thinking about you. And I don't like having to make the decisions to make you happen.
I hate thinking about everything that I have to do for you.
And I hate that when I do think about you, I can't breathe anymore.
I'm stressed thinking about what the you have in store for me.
Left and right. Up down. Doesn't really make a difference.
I need the space. To think. To feel. To appreciate.
The future isn't here yet. You aren't even here yet! So stop pressuring me about you!
When I learn to think past you, to forget about you, I have the room to breathe again.

Tomorrows Yesterday.

I look up to the hills. And I wonder. Where is my help.
Dry your eyes. Oh dry your eyes. For I was taught in paradise.
Weep no more. Shed no tear.
The sun will not strike you by day. Nor the moon by night.
To ease my body of melodies.
Today is limited.
Today is soon to be gone.
Today is death.
And death doesn't care about who you are.
All she wants is to make you realize your regrets and ask you to cry.
But never listen to her.
Tomorrows Yesterday always is soon to end.
No regrets.
Not sorrow.
No more tears.

Kiss Me Better. Or Kiss Me to Take the Better Away.

Always. Never. What?
Please choose. I ask you to decide. Take it and make it warm. Or leave it and watch it die. Coldly.
We never want to take risks. But this is different. I know that I've kissed you better. But I know that I've kissed the better away too. I never choose the right one.
Have you ever noticed my hands? Because I've noticed yours. And I want them to take me and hold me. Or maybe I want them to die. To be gone. And leave me alone.
Have you ever noticed my shoulders? Because I've noticed yours. And again. I push them. Down to the ground I push them. And I ask myself, I want this to live? In your warm smile and sparkling eyes.
Nah. Leave. Die. Kiss me to take the better away. Leave the worse. Because in the end, The worse is better.
Goodnight.

Pencils. Books. Looks.

I am afraid of awkward silences. I'm afraid of my grandparents neighbors. I'm afraid of co-workers tripping. I'm afraid of my boss yelling at me. Not because I'm scared of her, but I'm scared she will spit on me. I'm afraid of girls with long leg hair. I'm afraid of coffee. And hot chocolate. And soup. Any burning hot liquid. Except hot tubs. I love hot tubs. I'm afraid of floating plastic ducks. I'm afraid of untied shoe laces. I'm afraid of Jane Austin stories. I'm afraid of bight light. But I'm also afraid of darkness. I'm afraid of pencils. And books. And looks. And I'm afraid of people that smell bad. And I'm afraid of being mad. I'm afraid of summer mornings. I'm afraid of musicals. I'm afraid of you. Yeah you. I'm afraid of screaming. I'm afraid of white boys playing funky music. I'm atraid of you smiling back at me with those lying eyes.

Monsters and Teeth

I'm afraid of Monsters. I'm afraid of teeth. I'm afraid of monsters under my bed. I'm afraid of of them popping out at me like a jack in the box. I'm egging them on. But doesn't matter how much I try not to be scared, I always am. I know that I'm stronger than most monsters. Their power is they come out of no where. They ask themselves, "How can I scare this person more?" And I say to myself, "Come at me." But they don't. They come out when you don't expect it.
I'm afraid of teeth. I'm afraid of the slicing. I'm afraid of getting bitten. Because when I get bit, I become weak. Vulnerable. I'm afraid of vulnerability. I'm afraid of weakness.
But to sum it up, I'm afraid of monsters and teeth.